How Close Are They? Maybe Closer Than We Think.

;My family teases me that when I'm deep in thought, the lights are on, but nobody's home--I'm lost in my thoughts. Such was the case one day as I was driving several years ago, shuttling kids from one place to another. I was wishing time could stand still, especially when enjoying meals or time with dear friends or family. I was wishing that time were no issue, so that we could cultivate closer, more intimate relationships with people. Life moves so swiftly, and much time is used up just living and taking care of basic needs of self and family. I was wishing there was more time to have people over for meals, that they could stay and that we could get to know one another for more than just a couple hours--to really understand each other and develop deeper, more meaningful relationships. As I was deep in that thought, I felt the Spirit come in and teach me a powerful truth, which is this: Our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ are not bound by time. Because they are not bound by time, they are able to be with each one of us for every/any moment of our lives. They know each of us very deeply, our joys, sorrows, struggles. They are able to be laser focused on one person at a time--to literally be with each of us in every moment of our lives. I don't understand how. That is beyond my mortal comprehension. But the notion that they may be with me every second of my life is strengthening, faith-building, and hope promoting. I also think twice about what I say, do, think, etc. The other day as I washed dishes, I was listening to the Mormon Channel. It was a theatrical reading from the Book of Luke. I found two verses particularly moving, so much so that tears rolled down my face into the warm water of the sink. The story is right after the last supper when Jesus is speaking with Peter (also known as Simon). "And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not..." (Luke 22:31-32) I felt the Spirit speaking to me right then. I thought it was so beautiful that Jesus, the Lord and Savior of the world, prayed for Peter, that his faith fail not. If Jesus prayed for Peter, who's to say he wouldn't pray for me? I believe the reason I was so overcome with emotion is because the Holy Ghost was testifying to me that Jesus does pray for me, as He did for Peter. I believe he prays to the Father for each of us. He is, after all, our advocate with the Father. He has paid the price to save our souls, so we are His. He loves us. What a beautiful thing to think that he prays in our behalf! And that He may be present with us in every moment of our lives.

Filling the Void (with Chocolate?)

This post is dedicated to my like-a-sister friend LaNae. This is a personal experience she shared with me several years ago and allowed me to share. LaNae is such a great example to me of how to love. I am also always amazed at her ability to speak with God and hear His answers and counsel. I think it's one of her many gifts. This particular experience was one where God taught her what she needed to do to fill the emptiness she was feeling inside. LaNae and her husband had always had a strong, healthy relationship. But she had been feeling empty inside, and thought she needed more of his attention and affection. He usually came home from work for lunch. One particular day, in an attempt to win his affection and fill her void with his love and adoration, she made his favorite lunch. She carefully set an elegant table for two, complete with clean table cloth, flowers, and his favorite dishes (yes this man loves dishes!). She eagerly primped and groomed to look her very best before he arrived home. He was very pleased by the delicious meal, the beautifully set table, and a beautiful wife with whom to eat his lunch. They enjoyed their lunch together. Then he thanked her for the lovely meal, gave her a kiss, and headed back to work. She was severely disappointed. She still felt empty. Why hadn’t he made her happy? Why hadn’t she received the love that she was so desperately seeking? Her initial thought was to fill the void with temporary happiness—chocolate! There was a Snickers in the cupboard that began screaming her name. Instead she went to the quiet of her bedroom and knelt in prayer. She told her Heavenly Father how disappointed she was that her husband was not giving her the love that she so desperately hungered for. She asked Heavenly Father what more she could do. Then the warmth of the Spirit overcame her as these words filled her mind and heart, “It is my love you need. Let me fill you with my love.” She realized that it was not her husband’s responsibility to fill the void she had inside. Rather it was her responsibility to turn to her Heavenly Father for the love that He is both willing and eager to give, if we would but receive. She realized that when she receives God's love, not only is she filled, but she is better able to give and love others. What are we seeking to fill the void? Quick, easy happiness? Television? Food? Work? Or any number of addictions? Are those things filling us with joy? Where is true joy and happiness to be found? In Lehi’s vision he “beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy.”(1 Nephi 8:10) “And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.” (1 Nephi 8:12) What does the fruit in Lehi’s dream represent? The Love of God. Therefore the Love of God is desirable to make one happy. The Love of God filled Lehi’s soul with exceedingly great joy, and he knew that the Love of God was desirable above all other fruit. This has become a very favorite scipture: Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:63) By drawing near unto God, we feel His love, and no longer have a need to fill a void, because we are filled with His love. It takes daily effort, but the time investment is far outweighed by the blessings received. And behold, and lo, I am with the faithful always. Even so. Amen. (Doctrine and Covenants 62:99)

Dad Thinks I'm Pretty ( so Put Down That Ugly Stick)

My Dad likes to remind me of a story from when I was about three years old.  My brother and I were quarreling when he declared, "You're ugly!"
"No I'm not.  I'm pretty."  I said in my most confident 3-year-old voice.
"You're ugly!" he argued.
"Well Dad thinks I'm pretty." I retorted.
"How do you know?"
"Because he says I'm his girlfriend!"

I knew Dad loved and cherished me, so he must have thought I was pretty.  And he did.  And he loved that knew it!  And that Daddy's love built so much confidence in a little girl.

A couple years ago, I had somewhat of a similar experience.  I had recently worked really hard to stop eating sugary junk (my weakness!) and get back to exercising.  I was feeling really good about the progress I had made over the last several days.

This particular day I had just showered and was doing my regular routine of lotion all over, make-up remover, face cream, etc., when really negative words invaded my thoughts.
"You're still so fat.  You're ugly too."
I began to feel very discouraged.  For a moment I wondered why I was even trying.  I felt like giving up.  I felt frustrated and fearful.  Fearful that I would never be master of my ship, and that I would be tossed to and fro in a continuous downward spiral.  It was a desperate, hopeless feeling.

Then I considered the source of those thoughts.  I had the impression to pray.

"Dear Heavenly Father," I began, standing at my bathroom sink.  As soon as those words formed in my mind I immediately felt warmth and comfort, like a soft blanket falling over me.
"Father, please help me to feel Thy love for me and to cast aside Satan's words."
Tears streamed down my face, because I could feel Him near as soon as I began.  I felt incredibly loved, valued, and suddenly the superficial stuff really didn't even matter.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.  How do I know?  Because He told me right then when I called out to him standing in my bathroom.  He was right beside me. He sent His Son, so that when Satan is being a big brat and hands me an ugly stick and encourages me to beat myself with it, He can step in and fill me with His love and remind me that I am pretty.

I absolutely LOVE this song by Candice Clover.

Birthday Birds

I have always loved my birthday.  People often say, “Oh, poor you—having a December birthday would be the worst.”

“No, I love my December birthday!”  I reply.

 I’m certain that’s because my mom always made my birthday fun and special, never too busy to make my day a big deal.  She says that her mom always made HER birthday fun and special (Mom was also born in December).  Grandma was always one to make each celebration a grand event. 

 Grandma has been gone for 15 years now.  She passed away when Laurel was only 1 year old.  I am often reminded of fond memories with her.  The most recent flood of memories came when I had cooked a pot roast and squash and rolls.  The house smelled so much like Grandma’s!  It was a warm fuzzy, inviting smell, and I felt happy as I reminisced of family dinners at Grandma’s house.

Something else you should know about Grandma is that she was an avid bird-watcher.  Anyone who spent much time at her house can picture her at her kitchen window; her body leaned over the sink, elbows resting on the sill, hands holding the binoculars up as she’d peer out at the birds in her backyard.  Each of her several bird feeders were always overflowing with bird seed.  I remember helping her scoop seed from the aluminum garbage cans in her back yard, which were always stocked.  After filling the feeders, she was always sure to sprinkle a generous amount at the base of each tree.  This was a daily labor of love.

Since Grandma’s passing, she has often “sent” birds to family members, I’m certain to let us know she is near and that she loves us. Each time my mom would tell me about another touching, beautiful bird experience, in awe I’d think, “Wow!  I wish Grandma would send me a bird.” 

Grandma must have heard my wish somehow.  Or maybe she just wanted me to know that she was close and that she loves me. 

My 34th birthday began a still winter morning, overcast with a fresh blanket of snow on the ground.  It felt different than any other day.  It was my birthday!  So it felt happy and magical.  After getting the bigger kids to school, I walked to the front of the house to look out the window.  I was surprised to see several robins sitting in the tree to my right, just in front of our house.  They looked so cute and chubby—probably because their feathers were fluffed to keep warm.

Then it dawned on me.  What are robins doing here a week before Christmas??  Shouldn’t they have flown south to be warm?  I wasn’t sure, but I started looking around.  Were there more of them?  I looked up and down the street, scanning the leafless trees.  That’s when I noticed two things: first, our other tree—to my left—was also full of little robins; second: there were no other birds on the entire street.  I counted about 18 of them on my two trees!

Suddenly I knew Grandma was nearby.   I stood at the window for a long time watching those robins, my cheeks wet with tears.  “I love you too, Grandma.  Thank you.”  I whispered.

Since that experience I have frequently seen cute little birds and have thought, “Is Grandma close by?  Is she trying to tell me she loves me?”

 One particular day as I was driving home, thinking of Grandma and her birds, I looked up and noticed the majestic beauty of the Wasatch Range, highlighted by a stunning blue sky.  It took only a moment for the Spirit to rush in and fill my heart with a message from my Heavenly Father.  This is for you.  I created it all so that you would know I’m near and that I love you.  So when you are amazed by one of my creations, remember that I put it there because I love you, and to remind you that I’m close by.

 I have since wondered at times, if a tree or flower was planned out and placed and grown, so that in the moment I saw it, I would feel His love.  It’s possible.  God can do anything.  I believe He would go to such great measures—and beyond--to extend to us, His children, His immeasurable love.

A Whole New World

This summer I snorkeled for my very first time.  I LOVED it!  Right at first I felt slightly panicked with my face down in the water, breathing through a tube.  It took a little time to get used to.
When I was able to relax and just enjoy the "scenery," snorkeling opened up a whole new world I had never experienced!  Because your ears are under the water, it's quiet and serene.  Just a few feet below me was a coral reef--green, purple and off-white.  The coral created mini caves, nooks and crannies where the sea urchins liked to rest.  Sea urchins look like porcupine balls--little spikey round things. They ranged in size from a small melon down to golf ball size.  They come in all different colors.

There were also numerous plant-looking critters that had attached themselves to the coral, swaying in rhythm to the waves of the ocean.  My body swayed with them, gently up and down, side to side.  There were all kinds of fish I had never seen before, or had only seen in pamphlets or TV.
I found snorkeling very conducive to prayer or meditation, much like hiking into the mountains all alone and then sitting to take in the rustling leaves of the Aspen trees, the sound of a stream, etc, and simply ponder life and our purposes hear.

One particular day, I was snorkeling a ways away from everyone.  With my snorkel on and my face down in the water, I felt worlds away.  I was fascinated by all the varieties of beautiful fish.  They were all shapes, colors, designs.  Amusing, to say the least!  I was enthralled by them.  As I marveled, I prayed, thanking Father in Heaven for the experience.  Then I asked, "Why are the fish so colorful?"

Before I could even finish the thought, the words came into my mind, "For you.  It's all for you."
I began to ponder on that.  The fish don't need to be colorful for survival.  I have no idea how long it took for Jesus and Michael to think up, design, and create each variety of fish, each one with such intricate detail, color, design and beauty.  But the point is, the time was taken to do it.  Why?  Because we are infinitely loved by God and His son, Jesus Christ.
I have, several times, since snorkeling, related that experience to life and God's love for us.  We often go through life only noticing the surface of the ocean, if you will.  We see the rolling waves, the way the sun glistens off each little wave, creating a sparkling surface.  We see all kinds of birds above, swooping down and up again.  Occasionally we even see dolphins or sea turtles and think, "Wow, that's amazing. This is pretty great."  And that's that.

But what if we were to make the effort to look beneath the surface?  To put forth some extra effort--put on that snorkel gear and wade into the water.  A whole new world opens up to us.  An exhilerating world of beauty and wonder that we'd never experience, nor ever know existed, if we were content with whatever was before us.
So how to we "wade into the water and put on that snorkel"?  What did Lehi's family have to do to enjoy the fruit that was sweet above all he had ever tasted, which filled Lehi's soul with joy, which fruit was desirable to make one happy"? 1 Nephi 8: 10-12  They had to hold fast to the iron rod, or word of God.

  The word of God (which includes scriptures, words of the living prophtes, and personal revelation) leads us to the fruit, which is His love!  Which is desirable to make one happy!
I believe when we are filled with God's love, our eyes are opened up to a whole new beautiful world.
The whole reason He has given us scriptures, prophets, personal revelation, is because we are that we might have joy. 2 Nephi 2:25

My goal is to make that extra effort each day, to put on that mask and to bask in God's love.  The outcome, I've found, is well worth the effort.  When I feel an abundance of His love every day, I'm able to share it.  If you're reading this blog, it's because I love you, and I want to share His love with you. Now go!  Go get wet and see for yourself. :)

A Mother's Homecoming Woes

Am I the only mother who cries because her daughter didn’t get asked to her high school homecoming dance?  I felt so ridiculous!  Why did I even care?  Was it because she just turned 16 and could finally go? The funny thing is, my daughter didn’t even care that she wasn’t going.  Well, that’s what she said, and I believe her.  She’s a kid that never gets too worked up about anything.  She was cool with it.  
 She never knew it (and still doesn’t), but I was struggling.

I had been doing ok.  Until I started looking at the homecoming photos of all her friends on facebook.  I didn’t mean to look.  I really didn’t.  I was looking up something else, when I noticed a few pictures.  Then I was sucked in head first.  I went through picture after picture.  They were beautiful.  Fun.  Happy.  Charming.  It seemed like a wonderful time was had by all.  So why did I feel so rotten about it?  What was it that was eating me up inside?  I didn’t want to feel that way.

It was bothering me so much, I finally went in tears to my bedroom, closed the door and knelt in prayer.

“Why don’t they love her like I love her?”  I began.  “She is so wonderful  in a multitude of ways.  Why didn’t she get asked?  Doesn’t anyone realize what a fantastic, talented, smart, beautiful human being she is?”

The Spirit whispered to me, “I love her.  I know how wonderful she is even better than you do.”

Somehow that realization brought me comfort.  He knows.  He knows us all.  He knows all the beautiful things about everyone of us.  He even knows the parts that aren’t so pretty, and he loves us still.  Everything about us.   He knows our incredible potential.  He knows that one little homecoming dance really doesn’t matter or change how precious my daughter is.