Dad Thinks I'm Pretty ( so Put Down That Ugly Stick)

My Dad likes to remind me of a story from when I was about three years old.  My brother and I were quarreling when he declared, "You're ugly!"
"No I'm not.  I'm pretty."  I said in my most confident 3-year-old voice.
"You're ugly!" he argued.
"Well Dad thinks I'm pretty." I retorted.
"How do you know?"
"Because he says I'm his girlfriend!"

I knew Dad loved and cherished me, so he must have thought I was pretty.  And he did.  And he loved that knew it!  And that Daddy's love built so much confidence in a little girl.

A couple years ago, I had somewhat of a similar experience.  I had recently worked really hard to stop eating sugary junk (my weakness!) and get back to exercising.  I was feeling really good about the progress I had made over the last several days.

This particular day I had just showered and was doing my regular routine of lotion all over, make-up remover, face cream, etc., when really negative words invaded my thoughts.
"You're still so fat.  You're ugly too."
I began to feel very discouraged.  For a moment I wondered why I was even trying.  I felt like giving up.  I felt frustrated and fearful.  Fearful that I would never be master of my ship, and that I would be tossed to and fro in a continuous downward spiral.  It was a desperate, hopeless feeling.

Then I considered the source of those thoughts.  I had the impression to pray.

"Dear Heavenly Father," I began, standing at my bathroom sink.  As soon as those words formed in my mind I immediately felt warmth and comfort, like a soft blanket falling over me.
"Father, please help me to feel Thy love for me and to cast aside Satan's words."
Tears streamed down my face, because I could feel Him near as soon as I began.  I felt incredibly loved, valued, and suddenly the superficial stuff really didn't even matter.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.  How do I know?  Because He told me right then when I called out to him standing in my bathroom.  He was right beside me. He sent His Son, so that when Satan is being a big brat and hands me an ugly stick and encourages me to beat myself with it, He can step in and fill me with His love and remind me that I am pretty.

I absolutely LOVE this song by Candice Clover.

Birthday Birds

I have always loved my birthday.  People often say, “Oh, poor you—having a December birthday would be the worst.”

“No, I love my December birthday!”  I reply.

 I’m certain that’s because my mom always made my birthday fun and special, never too busy to make my day a big deal.  She says that her mom always made HER birthday fun and special (Mom was also born in December).  Grandma was always one to make each celebration a grand event. 

 Grandma has been gone for 15 years now.  She passed away when Laurel was only 1 year old.  I am often reminded of fond memories with her.  The most recent flood of memories came when I had cooked a pot roast and squash and rolls.  The house smelled so much like Grandma’s!  It was a warm fuzzy, inviting smell, and I felt happy as I reminisced of family dinners at Grandma’s house.

Something else you should know about Grandma is that she was an avid bird-watcher.  Anyone who spent much time at her house can picture her at her kitchen window; her body leaned over the sink, elbows resting on the sill, hands holding the binoculars up as she’d peer out at the birds in her backyard.  Each of her several bird feeders were always overflowing with bird seed.  I remember helping her scoop seed from the aluminum garbage cans in her back yard, which were always stocked.  After filling the feeders, she was always sure to sprinkle a generous amount at the base of each tree.  This was a daily labor of love.

Since Grandma’s passing, she has often “sent” birds to family members, I’m certain to let us know she is near and that she loves us. Each time my mom would tell me about another touching, beautiful bird experience, in awe I’d think, “Wow!  I wish Grandma would send me a bird.” 

Grandma must have heard my wish somehow.  Or maybe she just wanted me to know that she was close and that she loves me. 

My 34th birthday began a still winter morning, overcast with a fresh blanket of snow on the ground.  It felt different than any other day.  It was my birthday!  So it felt happy and magical.  After getting the bigger kids to school, I walked to the front of the house to look out the window.  I was surprised to see several robins sitting in the tree to my right, just in front of our house.  They looked so cute and chubby—probably because their feathers were fluffed to keep warm.

Then it dawned on me.  What are robins doing here a week before Christmas??  Shouldn’t they have flown south to be warm?  I wasn’t sure, but I started looking around.  Were there more of them?  I looked up and down the street, scanning the leafless trees.  That’s when I noticed two things: first, our other tree—to my left—was also full of little robins; second: there were no other birds on the entire street.  I counted about 18 of them on my two trees!

Suddenly I knew Grandma was nearby.   I stood at the window for a long time watching those robins, my cheeks wet with tears.  “I love you too, Grandma.  Thank you.”  I whispered.

Since that experience I have frequently seen cute little birds and have thought, “Is Grandma close by?  Is she trying to tell me she loves me?”

 One particular day as I was driving home, thinking of Grandma and her birds, I looked up and noticed the majestic beauty of the Wasatch Range, highlighted by a stunning blue sky.  It took only a moment for the Spirit to rush in and fill my heart with a message from my Heavenly Father.  This is for you.  I created it all so that you would know I’m near and that I love you.  So when you are amazed by one of my creations, remember that I put it there because I love you, and to remind you that I’m close by.

 I have since wondered at times, if a tree or flower was planned out and placed and grown, so that in the moment I saw it, I would feel His love.  It’s possible.  God can do anything.  I believe He would go to such great measures—and beyond--to extend to us, His children, His immeasurable love.

A Whole New World

This summer I snorkeled for my very first time.  I LOVED it!  Right at first I felt slightly panicked with my face down in the water, breathing through a tube.  It took a little time to get used to.
When I was able to relax and just enjoy the "scenery," snorkeling opened up a whole new world I had never experienced!  Because your ears are under the water, it's quiet and serene.  Just a few feet below me was a coral reef--green, purple and off-white.  The coral created mini caves, nooks and crannies where the sea urchins liked to rest.  Sea urchins look like porcupine balls--little spikey round things. They ranged in size from a small melon down to golf ball size.  They come in all different colors.

There were also numerous plant-looking critters that had attached themselves to the coral, swaying in rhythm to the waves of the ocean.  My body swayed with them, gently up and down, side to side.  There were all kinds of fish I had never seen before, or had only seen in pamphlets or TV.
I found snorkeling very conducive to prayer or meditation, much like hiking into the mountains all alone and then sitting to take in the rustling leaves of the Aspen trees, the sound of a stream, etc, and simply ponder life and our purposes hear.

One particular day, I was snorkeling a ways away from everyone.  With my snorkel on and my face down in the water, I felt worlds away.  I was fascinated by all the varieties of beautiful fish.  They were all shapes, colors, designs.  Amusing, to say the least!  I was enthralled by them.  As I marveled, I prayed, thanking Father in Heaven for the experience.  Then I asked, "Why are the fish so colorful?"

Before I could even finish the thought, the words came into my mind, "For you.  It's all for you."
I began to ponder on that.  The fish don't need to be colorful for survival.  I have no idea how long it took for Jesus and Michael to think up, design, and create each variety of fish, each one with such intricate detail, color, design and beauty.  But the point is, the time was taken to do it.  Why?  Because we are infinitely loved by God and His son, Jesus Christ.
I have, several times, since snorkeling, related that experience to life and God's love for us.  We often go through life only noticing the surface of the ocean, if you will.  We see the rolling waves, the way the sun glistens off each little wave, creating a sparkling surface.  We see all kinds of birds above, swooping down and up again.  Occasionally we even see dolphins or sea turtles and think, "Wow, that's amazing. This is pretty great."  And that's that.

But what if we were to make the effort to look beneath the surface?  To put forth some extra effort--put on that snorkel gear and wade into the water.  A whole new world opens up to us.  An exhilerating world of beauty and wonder that we'd never experience, nor ever know existed, if we were content with whatever was before us.
So how to we "wade into the water and put on that snorkel"?  What did Lehi's family have to do to enjoy the fruit that was sweet above all he had ever tasted, which filled Lehi's soul with joy, which fruit was desirable to make one happy"? 1 Nephi 8: 10-12  They had to hold fast to the iron rod, or word of God.

  The word of God (which includes scriptures, words of the living prophtes, and personal revelation) leads us to the fruit, which is His love!  Which is desirable to make one happy!
I believe when we are filled with God's love, our eyes are opened up to a whole new beautiful world.
The whole reason He has given us scriptures, prophets, personal revelation, is because we are that we might have joy. 2 Nephi 2:25

My goal is to make that extra effort each day, to put on that mask and to bask in God's love.  The outcome, I've found, is well worth the effort.  When I feel an abundance of His love every day, I'm able to share it.  If you're reading this blog, it's because I love you, and I want to share His love with you. Now go!  Go get wet and see for yourself. :)

A Mother's Homecoming Woes

Am I the only mother who cries because her daughter didn’t get asked to her high school homecoming dance?  I felt so ridiculous!  Why did I even care?  Was it because she just turned 16 and could finally go? The funny thing is, my daughter didn’t even care that she wasn’t going.  Well, that’s what she said, and I believe her.  She’s a kid that never gets too worked up about anything.  She was cool with it.  
 She never knew it (and still doesn’t), but I was struggling.

I had been doing ok.  Until I started looking at the homecoming photos of all her friends on facebook.  I didn’t mean to look.  I really didn’t.  I was looking up something else, when I noticed a few pictures.  Then I was sucked in head first.  I went through picture after picture.  They were beautiful.  Fun.  Happy.  Charming.  It seemed like a wonderful time was had by all.  So why did I feel so rotten about it?  What was it that was eating me up inside?  I didn’t want to feel that way.

It was bothering me so much, I finally went in tears to my bedroom, closed the door and knelt in prayer.

“Why don’t they love her like I love her?”  I began.  “She is so wonderful  in a multitude of ways.  Why didn’t she get asked?  Doesn’t anyone realize what a fantastic, talented, smart, beautiful human being she is?”

The Spirit whispered to me, “I love her.  I know how wonderful she is even better than you do.”

Somehow that realization brought me comfort.  He knows.  He knows us all.  He knows all the beautiful things about everyone of us.  He even knows the parts that aren’t so pretty, and he loves us still.  Everything about us.   He knows our incredible potential.  He knows that one little homecoming dance really doesn’t matter or change how precious my daughter is.