I Think I Need Therapy

I came across this poem I had written in my journal a number of years ago.  My kids were very small and that particular day I felt like motherhood had swallowed me whole.  I was buried in a messy house, exhausted with the daily grind of caring for tiny kids, and was certain my sense of self had been lost in the chaos.
When I found this recently, I laughed right out loud.  Now I realize I'm not the only mom who ever felt this way.  In fact, I'd guess all moms feel some of this at some point.

I Think I Need Therapy

I find myself arguing with my two-year-old.

I think I need therapy.

My baby barfs all over herself and me.

I change and bathe her.  I simply wipe myself off.

I think I need therapy.

Then I see snot smeared on my shoulder.

I think, "Gross." and go about the task at hand.

I think I need therapy.

I'm trying desperately to lose weight.

But all I want are cookies and cake.

I think I need therapy.

I'm happy to stay in my pajamas all day, 

Holed up in the house.

I think I need therapy.

I used to be popular, smart, and good at everything I tried.

Now I don't have friends, I'm not sure if I can still think,

 And I don't have time to try anything--

Or maybe I've just lost my creativity.

I think I need therapy

I get annoyed sometimes when my children touch me.

I think I need therapy.

Sometimes I worry that I'm too

Controlling with my kids, yet I can't

Keep control over all the messes the go around making.

I think I need therapy.

I think I need therapy.

"You're Not a People. You're Just a Mom"

When Whitney was just 3 years old, she brought me a sheet of paper she had colorfully decorated with markers and asked me to fold it into an origami box.

As I folded, she found an empty tin of Altoids "Tangerine Sours" sitting on the table next to me.
Picking up the tin she asked, "Mama, did you eat them all?" a demanding tone in her voice.
"Well there were just two left and Ellie ate them," I replied.
"Uhhhhh!" she whined, "I wanted two of them!"

I didn't respond--just kept folding.
After standing there glaring at me for a few moments, empty tin in hand, she said resolvedly, "I will throw this at you."
"If you throw that at me I will keep your paper box." I said as I continued to fold. "You don't throw things at people."
"Well you're not a people."
"Yes I am."
"Nuh-uh.  You're not a people."
"Well I'm not a cat. I'm not a dog.  I'm not a horse."
"Well you're not a people." she insisted.
"I'm a person."
"No you aren't"
Deciding the argument was useless, I fell silent and kept folding.
Whitney stood by watching me and after a few moments said, matter-of-factly, "You're not a person." (Pause) "You're just a mom."
I laughed right out loud and she whined loudly, "Don't laugh at me!"
"I'm not laughing at you.  I'm laughing at what you said."
She finally put the empty tin down, distracted by something else, and walked away.
And I finished folding the brightly colored paper box.

Don't Worry...

Recently I had been worried and stressed about something for several days, maybe weeks.  I had been praying for help and guidance to know what to do.  The fact was, there was really nothing I could do, or so I thought.  I felt helpless, worried, and somewhat fearful.
I had been praying for help.  But mostly I had been pleading with God to remove the hardship I was facing. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you want to speak to God, pray.  If you want God to speak to you, read the scriptures"?

One evening I sat down in a quiet place--with no distractions--and opened up the Bible. In the quiet of those moments, God spoke to me.  It happened as I opened up to Philippians chapter 4.  I chose this particular chapter because I love Philippians 4:13:

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

It was, however, verses 6-7 where God's words came straight through to me.  I don't remember ever reading them before, but those two verses were exactly the words I needed to hear:

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

The word "Be" at the beginning of verse 6 has a Greek translation: "Don't be unduly concerned about anything."  To me it said, "Molly, don't worry."

The next word, "careful" also means "afflicted," which said to me, "Be afflicted, or troubled by nothing."  Again "Molly, don't worry."

So God told me what NOT to do: worry.  

Then He told me what to do: "...in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." 

 Notice that "every thing" is two words not one, which emphasizes each word separately. God told me here to pray to Him about every thing--He wants to hear about it all!; to do it with gratitude always in my heart--to thank Him for every thing; and then to tell Him my requests, or ask for blessings.

Next, God told me how I would be blessed: And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

The footnote for "keep" has a Greek translation: "guard."

What could be better than the peace of God?  And because of and through Jesus Christ, my heart and mind would be guarded.  To me that said I would be safe.  I would be okay.  With Jesus guarding me, why would I worry?

Over the next several days, I changed the way I prayed.  I focused on gratitude.  I counted my blessings and thanked God for every thing--including the hardships that I know, through His Grace, will make me a better person.  And I stopped worrying.  He told me not to worry, so I stopped worrying.

God keeps His promises, and the promise of peace came. His peace.  It was like a healing balm to chapped lips.  It was soothing, comforting and joyful. The hardship I was facing wasn't removed immediately, but I had no doubt that whatever came of it would be okay and I didn't need to worry about it anymore.

God loves us.  He is intimately aware of us, our needs, our worries.  He wants to bless and comfort us the way any loving Father would want to comfort his hurting child.  We can simply go to Him in prayer, listen to Him in scripture, and follow Him in life, to always feel His love, peace and comfort.