I Think I Need Therapy

I came across this poem I had written in my journal a number of years ago.  My kids were very small and that particular day I felt like motherhood had swallowed me whole.  I was buried in a messy house, exhausted with the daily grind of caring for tiny kids, and was certain my sense of self had been lost in the chaos.
When I found this recently, I laughed right out loud.  Now I realize I'm not the only mom who ever felt this way.  In fact, I'd guess all moms feel some of this at some point.

I Think I Need Therapy

I find myself arguing with my two-year-old.

I think I need therapy.

My baby barfs all over herself and me.

I change and bathe her.  I simply wipe myself off.

I think I need therapy.

Then I see snot smeared on my shoulder.

I think, "Gross." and go about the task at hand.

I think I need therapy.

I'm trying desperately to lose weight.

But all I want are cookies and cake.

I think I need therapy.

I'm happy to stay in my pajamas all day, 

Holed up in the house.

I think I need therapy.

I used to be popular, smart, and good at everything I tried.

Now I don't have friends, I'm not sure if I can still think,

 And I don't have time to try anything--

Or maybe I've just lost my creativity.

I think I need therapy

I get annoyed sometimes when my children touch me.

I think I need therapy.

Sometimes I worry that I'm too

Controlling with my kids, yet I can't

Keep control over all the messes the go around making.

I think I need therapy.

I think I need therapy.

"You're Not a People. You're Just a Mom"

When Whitney was just 3 years old, she brought me a sheet of paper she had colorfully decorated with markers and asked me to fold it into an origami box.

As I folded, she found an empty tin of Altoids "Tangerine Sours" sitting on the table next to me.
Picking up the tin she asked, "Mama, did you eat them all?" a demanding tone in her voice.
"Well there were just two left and Ellie ate them," I replied.
"Uhhhhh!" she whined, "I wanted two of them!"

I didn't respond--just kept folding.
After standing there glaring at me for a few moments, empty tin in hand, she said resolvedly, "I will throw this at you."
"If you throw that at me I will keep your paper box." I said as I continued to fold. "You don't throw things at people."
"Well you're not a people."
"Yes I am."
"Nuh-uh.  You're not a people."
"Well I'm not a cat. I'm not a dog.  I'm not a horse."
"Well you're not a people." she insisted.
"I'm a person."
"No you aren't"
Deciding the argument was useless, I fell silent and kept folding.
Whitney stood by watching me and after a few moments said, matter-of-factly, "You're not a person." (Pause) "You're just a mom."
I laughed right out loud and she whined loudly, "Don't laugh at me!"
"I'm not laughing at you.  I'm laughing at what you said."
She finally put the empty tin down, distracted by something else, and walked away.
And I finished folding the brightly colored paper box.

Don't Worry...

Recently I had been worried and stressed about something for several days, maybe weeks.  I had been praying for help and guidance to know what to do.  The fact was, there was really nothing I could do, or so I thought.  I felt helpless, worried, and somewhat fearful.
I had been praying for help.  But mostly I had been pleading with God to remove the hardship I was facing. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you want to speak to God, pray.  If you want God to speak to you, read the scriptures"?

One evening I sat down in a quiet place--with no distractions--and opened up the Bible. In the quiet of those moments, God spoke to me.  It happened as I opened up to Philippians chapter 4.  I chose this particular chapter because I love Philippians 4:13:

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

It was, however, verses 6-7 where God's words came straight through to me.  I don't remember ever reading them before, but those two verses were exactly the words I needed to hear:

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

The word "Be" at the beginning of verse 6 has a Greek translation: "Don't be unduly concerned about anything."  To me it said, "Molly, don't worry."

The next word, "careful" also means "afflicted," which said to me, "Be afflicted, or troubled by nothing."  Again "Molly, don't worry."

So God told me what NOT to do: worry.  

Then He told me what to do: "...in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." 

 Notice that "every thing" is two words not one, which emphasizes each word separately. God told me here to pray to Him about every thing--He wants to hear about it all!; to do it with gratitude always in my heart--to thank Him for every thing; and then to tell Him my requests, or ask for blessings.

Next, God told me how I would be blessed: And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

The footnote for "keep" has a Greek translation: "guard."

What could be better than the peace of God?  And because of and through Jesus Christ, my heart and mind would be guarded.  To me that said I would be safe.  I would be okay.  With Jesus guarding me, why would I worry?

Over the next several days, I changed the way I prayed.  I focused on gratitude.  I counted my blessings and thanked God for every thing--including the hardships that I know, through His Grace, will make me a better person.  And I stopped worrying.  He told me not to worry, so I stopped worrying.

God keeps His promises, and the promise of peace came. His peace.  It was like a healing balm to chapped lips.  It was soothing, comforting and joyful. The hardship I was facing wasn't removed immediately, but I had no doubt that whatever came of it would be okay and I didn't need to worry about it anymore.

God loves us.  He is intimately aware of us, our needs, our worries.  He wants to bless and comfort us the way any loving Father would want to comfort his hurting child.  We can simply go to Him in prayer, listen to Him in scripture, and follow Him in life, to always feel His love, peace and comfort.

New Year's Resolutions? Or Mission Impossible?

Anyone having trouble sticking with those New Year's Resolutions?  Have you found yourself giving in--just this once?  And then once more.  Then once more.  Then just throwing in the towel entirely?
Or maybe you're like me and have had a hard time even starting on your new goals.  It's so easy to tell myself, "I'll start tomorrow" or "I'll start for real on Monday."
On January 5th, I came back from the gym determined to do better--to eat healthy and stop my "see food" diet (I see food, I eat it).  I knew, however that I couldn't do it on my own.  I felt so weak and incapable of the self-control I desperately wanted and needed to reach my goals.
Still in my workout attire, I picked up my scriptures and went straight to my knees.  I said a heartfelt prayer, asking the Lord to bless me with His strength.

I opened up to where I had left off a few days before: 3 Nephi 17. This chapter is Jesus visiting the people on the American continent after His resurrection.  He had spent time teaching and ministering to them.  I felt like I needed His ministering.  I needed His love, His hope, His healing.  He did minister to me as I read His words in that chapter.  I felt like he was right here speaking the words to me.  Here are some verses that especially stood out:

Verse 2: "I perceive that ye are weak..."

Verse 8: "I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you."

Verse 9: "all them that were afflicted in any manner;...he did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto him."

I took courage and strength in knowing that Christ heals all afflictions.  I am praying for faith sufficient that He will heal mine--I'm certain afflictions include bad habits and addictions.  I certainly am afflicted by mine!  But He heals afflictions as they are brought to Him.  

What if those people hadn't had faith enough to bring Him their afflicted?  They would not have had the opportunity to be healed.

As I read on, I found some other beautiful scriptures on healing by the Savior.

3 Nephi 18:32  "...they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall ^bheal them;"

I looked up the footnotes for "heal."  Read on!

Jeremiah 3:22  "Return, ye backsliding children, and I will ^aheal your backslidings. Behold, we come unto thee; for thou art the Lord our God."

Backsliding!  That's what I feel like I do all the time: Three steps forward, two steps back! Or sometimes two steps forward and three steps back!

 D&C 112:13  "And after their temptations, and much tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted, and I will heal them."

This verse says to me, that the healing will come after the tempations and a lot of hard work and difficulty.  Then if we remain humble and teachable (harden not our hearts and stiffen not our necks), He will come after us and heal us.

I really found a lot of hope and peace in these scriptures.  I hope (if you've read this far) that you find them helpful as well.  Happy New Year!